Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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