dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
