remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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