i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize