What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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