the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
