Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
