I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Pooping to opera.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
