Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
