The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Sext me about skeletons
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
