Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
