She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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