but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
