I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
