Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
