She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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