i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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