I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
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you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just gargled with NyQuil
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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