dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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