Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
