I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
