I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
