i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
