I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize