The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
