ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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