Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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