I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Do vagina's smell?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
