also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
