if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
