i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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