I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
