So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
