no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
