i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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