just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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