She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
