Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
accomplished twins. life is a go
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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