i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
