it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
