You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He passed out mid-signature
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
