I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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