This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
