You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
