So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
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then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
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Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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