You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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