I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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