Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
