is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
