dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
