Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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