dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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