either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
