I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
