Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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