I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
