things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
