She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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