Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
