I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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