Your dad touched me again.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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