saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
