I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'm always down for nudity.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
