You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
