you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
