I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
its liver damage thursday
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
