I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I will be naked everywhere
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
