that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
