He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
