Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
This is the high leading the old right now
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
