just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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