I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I would fuck him just for his dog
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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