I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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