I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
