We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
