it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
