Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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