My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
