If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Your cock deserves a montage
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
